Changing

It is so incredibly hard to change something about ourselves. We have been living our whole life a certain way, it is so difficult to start a new way, even when we want to. Our immediate wants and desires always seem to override the long term goals we set. Why is change so slow? Why is it never smooth? Why does it seem impossible sometimes?

We live so much of our lives in “autopilot,” doing things the same way we always have. So while, of course, that makes things efficient when doing a usual task, it makes things harder when we want to perform at a higher level or more quickly. We can learn new ways by experimenting, watching others, etc. But even once we think we have found a better way, we have to watch our thoughts and actions with a new vigilance in order for anything to change. There will almost assuredly be some reverting back to unconscious, undesired behavior, but the more often we are cognizant of it, the quicker old habits will disappear and new ones will overtake them.

This, of course, makes one curious about when we want to change others. Sometimes we want to help our friends or our colleagues. It looks like what they are doing isn’t best serving themselves. Or we see a stranger and want to offer our expertise and opinions but get frustrated when we can’t convince them. I’m thinking of a line by Jacob M. Braude...

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. ”

Think of your own firmly held beliefs and how hard it would be to change your mind if someone were to try to convince you they weren’t true. It really does take the right person, at the right time, in the right tone, and when you’re in the right frame of mind to receive it, to change your mind at all. Or even to consider another’s point of view on something that feels like is a part of you. Offer your experience, hear them out, and be patient. It is impossible for everyone to be at the same point in their journey. You will walk away from an experience fuller than you were before. Going into a conversation not expecting to convince or change someone leaves open the possibility of you changing yourself.