On Mistakes

What hasn’t already been said about mistakes?  How many we make, how necessary they are to growth, etc.  What I think everyone knows and acknowledges is that it is impossible to make any progress or try anything new in our lives and not have some missteps along the way.

But while it can be easy for a teacher or parent (or anyone on the outside looking in) to say this, it really is a different experience entirely to actually be the one not achieving a desired outcome.  Those moments that look like stasis or even regression can be so frustrating.  What do we do when it feels like we aren’t quite getting it?  What does it say about our ability?  Does it undermine all of the practice and work we’ve put in so far?  What does it say about ourselves and who we are?

Sometimes changing a habit or fixing something about ourselves takes longer than we anticipate.  Sometimes a problem may appear fixed, but then is later revealed to be worse off than before.  This is usually a time when we are quick to heap on the unhelpful labels.  We can easily identify as someone who “should have known better.”  Instead, try re-framing into something more growth based.  Try being someone who is “maturing everyday” or “on the road to self actualization.”  We all have limited control on what actually takes hold in our learning.  Accept it as it comes and treat understanding as the transient and fleeting thing it is.  If the knowledge leaves you, take it as an opportunity to learn it deeper than before.  Try not to assume what you already know or judge yourself too harshly for not knowing something you think you should.

The reality is that any disappointments or setbacks we may encounter are just as much a part of us as our successes and achievements.  And that our triumphs only come about because of previous failings (our own or those of others that we have learned from).  They are two sides of the same coin, one cannot exist without the other.  Failures often morph into successes and vice versa.  So, all in all, the mistakes you make are you, but they’re not the only part of you.  You cannot be summed up by any “swings and misses” along the way.  The flip side, of course, is that you are also not defined by your victories, they are also just a part of you.  The highs, lows, and everything in between make up a whole reality, a whole life lived.  Be proud of successes, but be proud of failures as well when you knew you did the best with the resources and knowledge you had.

It is so easy to regret past decisions with the knowledge you now possess. But you wouldn’t have that knowledge without those same decisions. Use the time now to do what you can now. Don’t waste your time judging yourself for past decisions you made. Use what you learned in that past moment to influence decisions you can make in the present. Every mistake can be a blessing when viewed in the right light. Once you become aware of a shortcoming in yourself, you are one step closer to becoming the person you want to be. That awareness is a necessary step although it can be painful to acknowledge sometimes.

Looking inward is one of the most enhancing things we can do.  But we really can be our own worst critics sometimes.  And while sometimes this can give us the jump start we need, it can also lead to destructive habits and poor self images.  We can always strive to be the best version of ourselves, but hopefully while showing ourselves the grace and forgiveness we would want others to show us.